People Are Strange

So I guess it's not popular to be friends with someone who has mental health issues and has tried to commit suicide. It would be nice if people understood, but that isn't always the case.  And we don't come with descriptive warning labels to explain ourselves to those who don't know us.  It's hard when you are ignored, belittled, avoided, condescended to, minimized and disparaged by people you've never known, who don't know you from any random person on the street, or even worse those you once considered part of your life, people you cared about  and thought cared about you.

Many years ago I made the hard decision to remove some toxic relationships from my life.  It was hard because really it wasn't just from my life, it was also my children's lives too that I made this decision for. Honestly, as hard as it was, I really don't think of them on a daily basis...but they were part of my life.

People have made the choice to stop being part of my life it seems since my attempt.  I guess it makes sense, I mean it's hard to understand something you haven't experienced or gone through yourself.  But it's also really hard to deal with having people stare right through you like you aren't even there, or turn and walk the other direction.

Before Christmas two people died of Cancer.  One was the husband of someone I had once considered a friend.  I had believed we had so much in common; she had convinced me we were kindred spirits and then she broke my heart.  I had reached out to her husband when I found out he was sick, wished him and the family well and promised to keep them in my thoughts.. he was gracious and appreciative.  I reached out again when I found out he had passed to offer my condolences.... she ignored me completely, not that I really expected any different.

The second had been a part of my life since I was 8 years old.  She was my sister in law, from the adopted part of my family, the part I don't have contact with anymore because it wasn't healthy for me.  I had been in their wedding babysat their children, changed their diapers, attended their weddings, seen their children born, yet when she was dying of breast cancer no one thought to tell me.  I reached out to my "brother" with my condolences after I had sobbed myself empty of all my tears when I read on FB that she had died on the day of her funeral and no, I did not hear back from him. Still have not.

Pat tells me not to let people bug me, to just let it go.. I wish I could.  It would be so much easier and hurt a lot less...Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, maybe I'm just really stupid or maybe it's part of the illness and it's a method of self harm.  Whatever it is, to quote a wise person, mean people suck...